If you found this article looking for reassurance after falling in love with your affair partner and are considering leaving your family because you feel the urge to live this love in full, I need to warn you, you probably won’t like what you will read.
I’ve been there.
I searched and read every article about how to transitioning from an affair to a normal relationship, what was the successful ratings?
I denied all of them because I and my AP were different from everyone else, we were perfect in every sense of perfection, we couldn’t get enough from each other, and above all, we were brave, so brave that we both decided to leave our spouses and kids just after a few weeks from the first day we met.
we were sure, we wanted to walk on the streets hand in hand, kiss in public, introduce each other to our families and friends, we wanted to make long term plans and we felt extremely lucky
to be able to find love.
We were 1 in one billion.
When I met my AP my marriage of 14 years and 3 kids, was already done. We became very good friends and still loved each other’s company, but the incompatibility and cultural differences did make things hard on a marital level and we grew apart.
If I didn’t meet my AF I would probably still be at home waiting for the perfect time to exit without drama, so I gambled very little when I left my husband, I was already in a process for more than 2 years, so there was no surprise there.
On the other hand, AF, married for 27 years, with 3 daughters and a dependent wife, never contemplated divorce before meeting me and he never being emotionally involved with other women in his life.
failing in love in his case was a recipe for disaster or divorce.
He went all in, and told his wife he was leaving after have found the love of his life, he told the same to his daughters, family, and friends. His parents were supportive and it was a big relief because you can imagine didn’t happen the same with the rest, especially wife and daughters, which was understandable.
We both signed a lease for an apartment and we immediately moved in together.
It was a dream come true.
I have never experienced this level of NRE in my entire life.
We were perfect for each other, we didn’t have any disagreement and there wasn’t even an adaptation period, it feels so natural and right and fulfilling.
He was 10+ years older than me, and still, we had sex 3 times a day. EVERY SINGLE DAY.
And I am not talking about quickies, we spent an average of 5/6 hours daily playing and enjoying each other, loving each other.
I did fill a hole in my AP’s life that his wife never did.
The intimacy, beauty, sex, the deep connection and it felt incredibly inebriating and refreshing.
The problem is, I couldn’t fill the other ‘holes’ of his life, the ones he didn’t even know the importance it had before he left.
He missed being around his daughters, the board games sessions, he missed not having to worry about his clothes, his dinner. He realized that financially he would gamble a life worth working. I am a working professional mother, he was married to a devoted stay at home mum, the dynamics were of course different, I did alert him that he couldn’t expect me to feed him and take care of the house and shop for groceries alone.
Because of the second Lockdown, he was unable to see his daughters as his wife didn’t want to see him at the house, and at the same time, she sent the divorce bill and the reality did hit.
Hard.
I know he wouldn’t leave me.
He would never have a honest conversation with me, and to be honest, he didn’t need to. I could see it.
We went to sleep that night entangled in each other the same way we did for the past 2 months.
When we woke up, I asked him: ‘If she asks you to go back, would you?’
His 3 seconds silence said it all.
I went to my office and wrote to him everything I was feeling, I told him how much I loved him, and how happy I was to have him in my life, but I also told him that when we love someone we need to learn how to let it go and that I wish we have met in other time, but right now, the price we would pay, was too much and too heavy.
I told him that I was not going back to my old life, but I was letting him free to do it because deep down, I knew that it was what he wanted.
I went home for lunch and after a heartbreaking conversation, tears, and sadness he packed his stuff and left me and the place where we spent the happiest days of our lives, the place we made so many plans, without any guarantee that his wife would forgive him, he still took the chance to also lose me, it says a lot.
I was at the door while waiting for him to enter the lift.
It looked unreal.
The person with whom I had a whole life planned, a person that just a few hours before kissed me good morning saying ‘I love you forever’, a person who left his wife of 27 years to be with me and that promised never to leave me, kissed me for the last time and from that second would try to convince himself and everyone else around him, that I was a mistake.
To be continued…
